Them Beasts Be Crazy

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. - Woody Allen

She was sitting next to me, checking out the new ring I'd bought, putting it on and admiring it from various angles, when she said, 'Eh...I have hair on my knuckles.'

She did, though it was barely discernible. I showed her my fingers, which were certainly more hairy, but had been finally tamed by regular waxing and shaving.

'See?', I told her, 'I have man hands.'

She laughed.

That's me, I thought, making girls feel better about themselves.

I looked to my right, saw the figure lying sprawled all over his seat, and immediately  seized upon the chance to pass a nasty comment on that particular boy.

'S,' I called, 'you are the ugliest sleeping person I have ever seen.'

He opened an eye lazily and gave me the finger.

S is the most perverted dog I have ever come across. He once took my soft red leather purse when I was not looking and proceeded to squeeze it like it was a particularly sumptuous breast.

When the teacher isn't looking, he grinds his hips like he's dry-humping and makes panting noises, to the delighted amusement of the other animals around him.

He said, once, that if he had to propose to a girl he would go to her with a condom in one hand, and a rakhi (a piece of decorative string tied around the brother's wrist by his sister as a mark of love and protection from evils.) in the other, and tell her to choose.

He lives for porn, and he lives for masturbation, and considers himself something of an expert in HD adult sites.

But at least, I reasoned, he is open about his preferences. Unlike the incredibly quiet guy who sat in a corner of the class and never spoke to anyone, and who ( I found out later) had embellished quite a few desk tops with grotesquely explicit poems written in bold with a black marker, not dissimilar to the ones found on the doors of public bathrooms.

What's worse, I have caught him ogling me for quite some time now, and can't really shake off the feeling that those colourful rhyming couplets were aimed at me.

Ah well, like Jim Morrison said, people are strange.