Why Doesn't My Brother Flush The Toilet?

Hello, dear reader.

Wassup, m****rf****r?

If you've been following the news, you'll know how pleasant the weather is, right now in Kolkata. And if you believed me, go BBC yourself.

Imagine this: it's 6 in the morning, and your bladder's ready to burst, and you grope your way towards the bathroom, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, and as soon as you open the door, you're hit with a blast of the strongest odour of pee that you've ever come across (though chances are, you live in India and you've had to use a public toilet at least once and well... you get the gist) and suddenly doing it in a bottle doesn't seem that bad an idea.

Hey I get it bro, you were sleepy and you couldn't find the flush lever, so you just did your thing, and you left (probably without even washing your hands), but think of the next person who uses it and suffers severe, irreversible damage to the olfactory receptors and dies. You will be solely responsible for a very, very smelly situation.

Plus, your girlfriend might think you're some kind of a Romeo-Superman incarnate, it still doesn't justify me having to suffer the sight of your yellow excreta every time you become 'forgetful'.

Every time you don't flush or just half-heartedly tug at the lever, I die, I die a little inside.

Maybe you do it because you like the smell. Or you do it because you really care about our planet Earth and want to save some water. Or maybe you don't flush because you just like being an effing pain in the ass.

Also, you may walk out the bathroom like the world's your bitch, but oh I was listening, I was listening for the full, hearty symphony of a full toilet flush and then the thoughtful spritzing of water to do away with the careless 'stray drops'.

But guess what? I didn't hear any.

Isn't it absolutely adorable having a sibling who's so thoughtful and considerate?

That isn't a rhetorical question. I'm asking YOU, because I really have no idea.

Love you, Dada? Hehe. For the sake of all things holy, I hope you never read this.

Love Thy Damned Neighbour's Voice

Now I'm sure many of you have dealt with weirdass neighbours at some point or the other, and I'm about to tell you a little bit about mine.

It just so happens that my neighbour's kitchen and my room are kind of close together, and we almost, almost share windows. And let's just say you wouldn't exactly have to strain your ears to catch what they're saying when they're in the kitchen.

Now both the schools that I've attended in my life have been really close by and I would just get up 15 minutes early to reach on time, but my neighbours' kids apparently needed to wake up nice and early and apparently their mother would have to do all the screaming that was required to get them out of bed in the KITCHEN, and no other place.

Example:

Neighbour: 'GET UP,YOU LAZY BASTARD! GET UP! YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE FOR SCHOOL! GET UP AND GET READY, don't just LIE there!'

These words would penetrate the thick curtain of sleep and pierce my brain like shards of glass and  I would actually wake up, and would actually start getting ready, because I'd feel so guilty. 

Yes, she unintentionally rendered me a great service, something which even my alarm (set at two-minute intervals with inspirational messages like 'WAKE UP, FATTY!') had failed to do.

The husband is no less weird, and he'd often tell me when we met downstairs in the morning to 'hurry up' like he told his kids, and I'd smile nervously, tighten the satchel straps and quicken my steps.

So kids, what have we learnt today? 

Neighbours are nice. 

Even if they are complete fucking bonkers.