Why Doesn't My Brother Flush The Toilet?

Hello, dear reader.

Wassup, m****rf****r?

If you've been following the news, you'll know how pleasant the weather is, right now in Kolkata. And if you believed me, go BBC yourself.

Imagine this: it's 6 in the morning, and your bladder's ready to burst, and you grope your way towards the bathroom, rubbing the sleep from your eyes, and as soon as you open the door, you're hit with a blast of the strongest odour of pee that you've ever come across (though chances are, you live in India and you've had to use a public toilet at least once and well... you get the gist) and suddenly doing it in a bottle doesn't seem that bad an idea.

Hey I get it bro, you were sleepy and you couldn't find the flush lever, so you just did your thing, and you left (probably without even washing your hands), but think of the next person who uses it and suffers severe, irreversible damage to the olfactory receptors and dies. You will be solely responsible for a very, very smelly situation.

Plus, your girlfriend might think you're some kind of a Romeo-Superman incarnate, it still doesn't justify me having to suffer the sight of your yellow excreta every time you become 'forgetful'.

Every time you don't flush or just half-heartedly tug at the lever, I die, I die a little inside.

Maybe you do it because you like the smell. Or you do it because you really care about our planet Earth and want to save some water. Or maybe you don't flush because you just like being an effing pain in the ass.

Also, you may walk out the bathroom like the world's your bitch, but oh I was listening, I was listening for the full, hearty symphony of a full toilet flush and then the thoughtful spritzing of water to do away with the careless 'stray drops'.

But guess what? I didn't hear any.

Isn't it absolutely adorable having a sibling who's so thoughtful and considerate?

That isn't a rhetorical question. I'm asking YOU, because I really have no idea.

Love you, Dada? Hehe. For the sake of all things holy, I hope you never read this.

5 Reasons My Relatives Are Revolting

1.    They won’t remember my birthday, but they will remember the day results come out. And they will take an unhealthy amount of interest in every exam I take, and will wait eagerly to hear how I performed. The worse I do the better.

2.    They will always pinch my cheeks at weddings and tell me how ‘big’ I’ve grown. Apart from the pseudo-compliment which is actually a snide nod towards my not-so-waif-like-figure, do they honestly think I would still remain the diaper-clad, drooling baby they last saw me as?

3.    They will always, laughingly no less, tell me how difficult it would be to find a husband for me, since I’m ‘so’ tall. It’s all I can do to not point out that the average height of most people in Europe is similar to mine, and marriage to me is as repulsive an option as going out to jog in the morning. Very repulsive, in other words.

4.    They will turn up out of the blue at events and ask me ‘Do you remember me?’ displaying their molars to the fullest extent and look at me with expectant eyes, as if seriously expecting me to remember one of the clan I’d last seen at a distant cousin’s birthday party or something.

5.    They will bore everyone stupid about how rigorously they’re dieting and yet will insist on a third helping of everything. At least be considerate and leave some mishit doi for this ‘big’ girl.

      Now I know they're family and I love them, but sometimes they do get on my nerves a bit. But what's life without a few (unintentionally) funny uncles and aunties? Do let me know the things your relatives do that annoy you.

      See you next time, lovely people.